i just made my gag reflex go away.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
