My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
