Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
