oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
