I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
