i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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