I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
