If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
