You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
