i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
