i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
