Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
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Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
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How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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