Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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