Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
