dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
