just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
