your thong is hanging out like whoa
Tell her she can't have a vagina
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
