I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
operation have a gay friend backfired
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
