one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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