All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize