I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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