he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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