jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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