I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
