I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
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he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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