i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
