I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
