I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.