So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys