Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?