3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.