new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize