you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
