I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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