who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
