we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
