Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
