apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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