Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
