I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
