watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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