The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
