So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
