At least make sure they are 18
Why
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
