she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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