I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
