Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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