I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
