Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
