I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
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He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
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You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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