Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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