i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
