You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
