As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
