i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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