He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
