Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The best revenge is premature balding
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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