I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
