dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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