Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
