Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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