I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
