after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
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I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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