While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
