I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
