peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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