everyone is single if you try hard enough
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
