She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
