ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
