I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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