Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
