Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
