Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I will be naked everywhere
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
