Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
