WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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