I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
