I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
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I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
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I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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