I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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