ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
