Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
