Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
MIDGETS
????
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
